This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
