HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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