i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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