he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
