Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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