dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
