i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
