i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
