So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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