My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
