Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
is it fun? or sober?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
