If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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