Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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