Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
