oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
