He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
