he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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