so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
