My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
