im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
