im drinking this country out of the recession.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
