the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
