weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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