we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
