I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize