break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
