Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
