so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
