in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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