i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
