I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
