I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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