just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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