Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
