Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
