Michael Bay diarrhea
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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