What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
a search helicopter?!
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
