He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
