My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
