playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
