When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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