I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
