dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
