i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i am craving dick and cupcakes
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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