I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
even my farts smell like vagina
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
