So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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