remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Drake has all the answers
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
