I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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