If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
