just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
