i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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