youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Sober January is a disaster.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
