please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
