Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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