I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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