So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
