just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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