The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
