White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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