Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize