Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
