Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
it's like heaven, but drunker
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
