I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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