Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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