I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
bring money and cleavage
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
