I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
