I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
