I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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