So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
