It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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