I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
