i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
