Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He felt like a one man threesome
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I have tasted many bathrooms
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize