Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
