East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
