I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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