I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
