My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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