I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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