Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
