you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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