Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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