Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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