The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
