Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
