I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
