Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize