I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
