dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
