i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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