U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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