at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
