i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
