Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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