i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
