I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
