i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
