All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
