my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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